Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
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he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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