Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
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Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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