Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
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You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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