i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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