last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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