hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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