Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
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You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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