3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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