and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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