I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize