1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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