you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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