I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize