lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Pooping to opera.
Randomize