I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
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You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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