we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
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As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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