what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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