I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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