My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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