I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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