How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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