so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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