I cut my penus on the lid.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize