I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
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