I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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