I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
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