I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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