My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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