Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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