We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She's the barista slut.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
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IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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