hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize