Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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