You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize