Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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