God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
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BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
there is glitter all over my balls
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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