if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize