remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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