i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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