We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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