I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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