So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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