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last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Randomize
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