I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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