In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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