P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
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The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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