You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
now i know why i became what i already was.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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