Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize