At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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