I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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