Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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